RMM

I’m eager to get my grubby mitts on some of the bazillions of pounds that Tessa Jowell is “borrowing” from the nation’s art galleries in order to fund the Olympics, and a couple of news stories this week have given me some inspiration.

First of all there was the inaugural American National Cellphone Texting Championships, won by Megan Pozgar (13) who correctly texted the word “Supercallifragilisticexpiallidocious” in less than 13 seconds. (Her parNts r v prd & in no way wurid tht hrvrd mite nt B Mprest)

Then there was one Ryan Fitzgerald, who posted his cellphone number on Youtube , asking total strangers to call him for a chat - 50,000 people did and he’s barely slept since.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? DIGITAL OLYMPICS! I mean, we’ve already got two events here: speed texting and cellphone soliticitation, it just seems like a perfect idea to run a digital olympiad alongside the old-fashioned and - I might add - very Web1.0 Olympics (c’mon - where’s the UGC in a 400m hurdles race, eh?). So I’m officially forming the Digital Olympics Exploratory Committee. Here are some other suggested events:

Blackberry Ignoring: Eight media executives are placed in the middle of an auditorium (this is quite entertaining just as it is). Their Blackberries are placed in front of them. Officials then transmit a constant stream of emails to the Blackberries, casuing them to buzz enticingly. The first exec to crack and pick theirs up is out. Last man standing wins!

Marx out of Ten: Ad executives are challenged to come up with a more offensive co-option of revolutionary politics than Ask.com’s recent “The internet needs another voice” campaign. (This one is considered to be one of the hardest ever Olympic events and will probably be won by a Russian)

MySpace Beating: The ten people with the most MySpace friends in the world are trapped in a pit full of deadly snakes: The winner is the one with the most friends running to their aid (clue: no-one wins this one)

Inappropriate Last.fm Thinking: How many messages can you send to your “neighbours” on Last.fm pretending to talk about a shared interest in Amy Winehouse when really you just fancy them?

The Wikipedia Challenge: Contestants must fit as many blatant lies about the Zionist Conspiracy and 9/11 into any given article as they can without being banned from contributing. The winner is the first person to be cited as a hero by the US conservative Christian movement or the British Respect party.
I’m open to any other contributions…